AR-verse snippet because ehekic said I could:
Iron Maiden introduces Gold Star to Captain
By now Santana is used to Brittany coming in and out of her laboratory unannounced, which is fine with her as long as Brittany doesn’t try to spook her into dropping a test tube. Brittany deliberately lets her shoes clack against the floor so Santana knows she’s in the room and can prepare herself accordingly.
“Guess what?” Brittany asks, sidling up behind Santana and resting her chin on Santana’s shoulder, looking at the array of tubes swaying in the rocker in front of them.
Santana chuckles softly in greeting. “I’m pretty bad at this game,” she reminds Brittany. “What?”
“I’m going to introduce Rachel to our dear friend the Captain,” Brittany says, moving to sit on the stool next to Santana. “Cap’s been having attitude problems at work and it’s driving me insane.”
“Who’s Rachel…? Oh, you mean the Youtube activist with the hideous tights.” Santana’s voice turns sour. “Might I ask how introducing my former kidnapper to Captain Ego would be conducive to solving these attitude problems you speak of?”
Brittany grins. “First of all, she’s a huge fan. Says so in the third video in the ‘Why Brittany Pierce Is An Evil Capitalist Series Number Two’. And Finn needs someone in his life who’ll make him feel like he’s all that and a pack of crackers, all day every day, because he’s not getting it from us.”
Santana wrinkles her nose. “And you think Rachel will be able to give that to him? Judging from our…brief acquaintance, she seems a little bit, you know, self-involved.”
“Understatement of the century,” Brittany agrees. “But the way I’m seeing it, she’ll fawn all over him just long enough to sweeten him up, at least for a week. Besides, the more I think about it, it’s perfect. He’s annoying, she’s annoying, they’ll be annoying together.”
“This could either be brilliant, or crash and burn in the worst way.” Santana shakes her head.
“I’m going with the first one until further notice. Pretty sure they’ll have a great time talking about what a terrible person I am. I am all about bringing couples together.” Brittany grins flirtatiously and delivers a slightly-harder-than-necessary tap to the curve of Santana’s butt. “Enough about them, right now I’d rather be all about you.”
Brittany has TUBBS contact Rachel using a frighteningly accurate imitation of Finn’s voice, which proceeds to freak Rachel out in true fan-girl fashion. By popular opinion, Captain America is a wholesome and handsome gentleman, and Rachel shares this sentiment — despite Finn possibly not knowing, or even sharing, Rachel’s positions on politics, religion, and the environment. Brittany takes it upon herself to inform Finn that she’s set him up on a date with an “attentive” woman, and by attentive she means obsessive, but it’s not like she’s going to tell Finn that.
(“You don’t think I can meet nice girls on my own?” he had asked.
“No. You can thank me later.”)
During Finn and Rachel’s date, TUBBS hacks into the security cameras in the restaurant Finn takes Rachel to, and the footage is sent directly to Brittany. “I can’t believe she actually thinks that steak was made out of meat substitute,” she remarked. “Either she’s vegan or can’t appreciate a good steak. Even Cap looked shocked.”
“In fact, Miss Berry has been a vegan since age thirteen, and practices kosher,” TUBBS replied. “Or so she claims on her Myspace profile. If this is true, I would caution the Captain that Miss Berry may experience some gastrointestinal discomfort after dinner.”
Brittany snickers; she can’t help herself.
Apparently Rachel doesn’t get sick, and Finn hits it off with her, because Finn seems to care less about people paying attention to him at SHIELD, and Rachel’s Youtube videos stop being about Pierce Industries and more about how wonderful Captain America is. When Brittany asks Finn about Rachel, he grins.
“Rachel’s a really nice girl,” he says. “I like her.”
“Thought you would,” Brittany says.
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