Part 4ish of Thief Of Hearts (And Other Stuff) — more of the Carmen Sandiego crossover if you’re into that
After this revelation, Santana made doubly sure never to leave Rory alone in a room with Brittany, even though that one time Santana had only been gone for thirty seconds. “A room” meant the room that appeared to be Santana’s office, the first (and only) room whose interior Rory had thus far been allowed to see when he had been taken here — of course, other than the bedroom he was being held prisoner in the rest of the time. There were no pictures of any kind hanging on the wall, but the wallpaper was a tasteful shade of blue spotted with white flowers — as if Brittany’s mother had a hand in the decorating here.
Speaking of which: where exactly was here? Rory posed the question to Brittany, while Santana kept a sharp eye on him, muttering under her breath.
“We’re in Canada,” Brittany told him. “Can’t tell you where,” she added quickly.
Rory gaped. “Canada? But last time I…wasn’t I in Guadalajara when you…uh…kidnapped me?”
Santana snorted. “Which wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t out to arrest me. Or Tia Carmen.”
“You were knocked out for a long time when Ernesto hit you over the head,” was Brittany’s casual answer. She reached over and patted her wife’s cheek. “We weren’t supposed to be in Mexico in the first place, but Santana took me there because I said I wanted tacos. Even though we could have just gone to Taco Bell, you know.”
“We were in an airplane, and Mexico was closer,” Santana whined, sinking lower into her chair, as if the knowledge that Brittany had probably wanted Taco Bell instead of the real thing embarrassed her. Not necessarily because Brittany had no taste in Mexican food, but because it meant that Santana had sort of screwed up again in regards to Brittany’s wants. “I just didn’t think you wanted to wait until we landed in Los Angeles.”
Brittany beamed at her: a huge smile which Santana helplessly returned. “Isn’t she the best wife ever? She’s mine and you can’t have her.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it…” Rory mumbled.
“Anyway, Rory, we weren’t doing bad stuff when you came to find us. We were eating tacos. I swear. Scout’s honor. Except I never was a Girl Scout, so maybe that doesn’t count.”
“We were on our way back from Guatemala,” Santana said. “Some work needed doing there.”
“Are you supposed to be telling me that?” Rory asked.
Santana scoffed. “So? I’d like to see an underfunded, understaffed ACME try to uncover what we’ve been doing there. The fact that they put Finn in charge of righting the ship, and then hired you, means that I could tell you everything and you still wouldn’t be able to bring my company down. Have they even tried to find you? You’ve been here for almost three weeks.”
Rory swallowed. “I — I’m supposed to contact them at least thrice a week,” he said, “but how would I know if they were trying to find me? You’re keeping me in this house in the middle of nowhere and I haven’t seen anyone other than you two and your thugs.”
“Shh, don’t let them hear you call them thugs. They’re really sensitive, even if they don’t understand Irish,” Brittany informed him.
“Luckily for you, I keep a close eye on ACME,” Santana told him. “It’s kind of a tradition now. Since they’ve been, you know, my aunt’s greatest nemesis while she was active. No one knew ACME’s workings better than Tia Carmen, and she taught me everything I know. Anyway,” she shrugs, “there’s no intelligence I’ve found that says ‘one of our guys has gone missing, we’d better find out what happened’. Either your higher-ups haven’t noticed you’re missing, or they just don’t care. I think when it comes to Finn both seem very plausible, unfortunately for you.” She smirked at him.
Rory swore he could feel the blood draining from his face. “W-what are you going to do with me, then?” he squeaked.
Santana rolled her eyes. “Not kill you, if that’s what you’re wondering. Brittany wouldn’t do that to you, and besides, my in-laws would hate me forever if I did. You’re a clever little shit, aren’t you, blarneying your way into their affection?”
Brittany shook her head. “We were planning to let you go once we were done here. Then we’re going home.”
Rory was relieved, and then confused. “Home, you said? This isn’t…home for you?”
“Nope,” Brittany said cheerfully. “Not really. What, did you think Santana would only settle for buying me one house?”
If Rory was being honest, the worst part of that revelation was that he would never be able to outmatch Santana in the gifts department, the way he did when sparring with Artie over Sugar’s affections in high school. As it was, he barely had enough money to rent his apartment in Virginia, where ACME had set up its newest headquarters.
Santana cleared her throat. “Stop pouting, Potato Face. It doesn’t look good on you. We’ll be done here as soon as tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Rory exclaimed.
“Yes, tomorrow.” Santana shrugged. “Personally, I can’t wait.”
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